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‘‘gonna keep on trying’’
Prologue
the girl next door



It is always very easy to have big dreams. But it's gonna be hard to achieve them. For too long, everyone have been wanting big changes. You know, something impactful and life changing. Like 3D Movies, Harry Potter and Facebook. I'm not complaining.

But maybe it's time for some of us to set our visions a little lower. Time to let us return to humanity and do small changes. Small changes that actually matters more.

So while everyone is out to make a big difference. I'm trying my best to make a minor difference.

In humanity. I'm still trying.
To be more selfless and less selfish.

By the way, I love 2ne1.

I'm random. If you still didnt get it. (:

Archives
gone with the wind

December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
June 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
December 2011


Credits
take a bow

Designer: electro-pop%
Icons: cablelines / leen
Post Icons: photobucket
Inspiration: denise
Quote: shawn
Image Host: tinypic / photobucket
Profile Description: that's not my name



Remember
Tuesday, February 22, 2011

my past.

I'm supposed to blog about Valentine's day and spam photos.
Damn, but then now I'm gonna blog a super lengthy post...

Recently, I've been seeing too much tears.
It could be literal or it could be just in their hearts.

Like I've always believed.
For myself, I'm very easily angered. Very easily made happy.
But sadness is the hardest emotion to hit me and if it does, its the hardest to recover from.

After some talk with Jit, I went back to one locked blog.
That blog has never been public and the posts are 90% during the 2009 breakup.
If you all remembered, Jason and I had a short break in 2009 for about a month.

That blog has always served as a reminder of pain and misery.
But maybe I've been too busy being angry and happy.
That I've forgotten about that blog.
So today, I went to read it again and I felt like crying once again.

Cause no one can understand a heartbreak unless one is going through it.
The words used are of my raw emotions. And i remembered.

It was a painful time where I cried whenever I was alone.
It was a tiring time where I avoided all social gatherings.
It was an exhausting time where I hated what i was committed to.
In all, it was a sad time filled with lots of regrets and what ifs.

I don't deny that our relationship now still has its downs.
But it's really so much more stable and I'm glad for that.
I think about what if you were to leave again.
I think it would be another locked blog with millions of posts once again.

Posts filled with denial, contradictions and sadness.
One moment proudly declaring that I've moved on.
One moment crumbling in weakness and misery.

It was pathetic in other words.

If someone asked me, "How then should I aid my heartbreak?"
Sorry but I have no reply.
Jason came back to me before I could aid it.
I was like a sick puppy who's desperate to return to her owner at that moment.

I still don't know how long I would have taken to move on.
But all I know is that if that amount of sadness in me again, I'll blog secretly again.
I express my sadness through words really well.
So go find something that would exhaust you emotionally.

Cry. Dance. Sing. Write.
Whatever it is. Just make sure you move on.
And not stay put or end your life.



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